Influential Family Leadership

This is the 3rd of 5 posts on Influential Leadership from a class I was teaching at Trinity Baptist Church.

I have posted other Influential Leadership posts.

The goal for each family member should be to glorify God and help other family members do the same.

Our families provide each of us a great opportunity to grow in God's grace and to show God's grace to others.  

While this post is specifically about parenting, we need to remember that family is so much more than parent/child relationships.  Churches are made up of many different families and each of them needs to be discipled.  Some singles have varying types of relationships with their parents and siblings, widows and widowers, empty nesters, husband and wife with no children, and others.  Each and every one of us has family relationships that should be growing.  

Paul Tripp's Parenting video (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MDlMI7B4a2Az) challenges parents to think of themselves as ambassadors of God in our children's lives.  We need to pray and act with this reality in mind.  Here is a video about one of the 14 Gospel principles.

 Three other resources related to Tripp's book Parenting:  14 Gospel Principles 

• You Don't Need More Parenting Advice is an article about the importance of the Gospel in parenting.
• Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles is a collection of resources like the Calling video above and 13 similar videos.  
• Five Questions You Must Ask Your Kids

There are many parenting books and resources out there.  The ones in this post have been shared because of their Gospel focus.  Here is part of the book that demonstrates this point.

If I were to ask you what the best, most practical, most helpful parenting passage in all the Bible was, what would you answer. 

Most biblically literate Christian parents would run to Ephesians 6:1-4, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.  Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."  (ESV) 

Those are wonderfully helpful verses, but there's another passage that's almost never mentioned in the context of parenting.  These words, straight from the mouth of the Messiah, contain everything you need to know and understand in order to experience the rest and courage of heart that fuels good, godly, perseverant parenting.

"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.  And behold I am with you always, to the end of the age."  (Matthew 28:18-20)

The Great Commission?  Yes!  I cannot think of any directive more appropriate to every Christian parent than this one.  Here's why:

Your job as a Christian parent is to do everything within your power, as an instrument in the hands of the Redeemer who has employed you, to woo, encourage, call, and train your children to willingly and joyfully live as disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ.  

From Paul Tripp's Wednesday Word devotional. 

We need to understand that parenting is a discipleship opportunity that needs to be soaked in prayer.  Here are some specific things you can pray for your children, grandchildren, and children you know.

1. Pray that Jesus will call them and no one will hinder them from coming.
2. Pray that they will respond in faith to Jesus' faithful, persistent call.
3. Pray that they will experience sanctification through the transforming work of the Holy Spirit and will increasingly desire to fulfill the greatest commandments.
4.  Pray that they will not be unequally yoked in intimate relationships, especially marriage.
5. Pray that their thoughts will be pure.
6. Pray that their hearts will be stirred give generously to the Lord's work.
7. Pray that when the time is right, they will GO!!

Taken from Seven Things to Pray for Your Children

Here are some additional family worship resources

Seeds Family Worship's "The Good Song" which is taken from Psalm 3.
Seeds Family Worship has a great youtube channel you will want to check out.

BASICS OF FAMILY WORSHIP with Don Whitney and Justin Taylor

11 Reasons to Worship With Your Family  

The What, When and How of Family Worship  

How We Do Family Worship  

Come Follow a Failure  

Family Devotion Failure and of All Days  

Shelter In Place Notes (added after the post was originally published):

This stay-at-home time provides many families with the unique opportunity to take more purposeful time to begin some habits that should continue after the quarantine is done.
During this time, how you worship with and talk about your church will have a huge impact on how your family - those stuck in your house with you and those who are elsewhere    - think about the church, the Bride of Christ.
During this time, how you use your time and encourage your family to use their will teach others what is most important.  While serving as the pastor of children and family worship at Emmanuel Baptist Church, I encouraged fathers and families to do family worship at least once a week.  My goal in this was helping busy families see the impact of consistent time in God's Word could have on them and their families.  The hope was it would grow into much more than just once a week but that was a start.  This shelter-in-place time has allowed so many families to do so much more than once a week.  

"Disruption creates a wonderful opportunity for us to establish new spiritual habits in our families."  from "Family Worship Starts Now" at The Gospel Coalition

The April 8th post "Lord of the Flies OR Spring Break 2020" is about what Krista and I are trying to do during our quarantined spring break.

If you have other resources, additional comments or questions, please leave them in the comment section.

Parenting Weekend - Same Conference, Another Weekend

We had a great first weekend of Paul Tripp's Parenting Seminar

Looking to forward to going through the material again this weekend 

with a new set of parents

Be sure to attend and/or invite people to the seminar .

Sign ups and more info at www.westcannon.org/tripp

The first session of the seminar along with a 12 minute clip "5 Questions Parents Must Ask" can viewed HERE

Here are the 5 questions.

1. What was going on?
2. What were you thinking and feeling as it was happening?
3. What did you do in response?
4. Why did you do it? What were you seeking to accomplish?
5. What was the result?

You Don't Need More Parenting Advice is an article Paul Tripp wrote about why he believe his book Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles is needed.

For other parenting posts, go to drodgersjr.blogspot.com

Parent Conference that is not just for Parents

West Cannon Baptist Church's upcoming streaming of the Parenting Seminar is an important training time not just for the families of the church but for the entire church.  Recently, Paul Tripp sent out reasons why people, not just parents, should plan to be part of the seminar.  One of the reasons was “This teaching is not just for parents raising children. Parenting is a community project, and you know parents who need your support. This event is an opportunity to equip yourself for ministry.”  

A parenting conference
equips parents
equips church members to help and encourage parents.

Two of the reasons why I wanted WCBC to show this seminar are two of my often repeated ministry quotes:
"Parents are the primary disciple-maker in their child's life."
"Disciples are disciple-makers."

It is excited to think about how God has provided this great ministry resource  and opportunity a month and a half after arriving at West Cannon Baptist Church.  A couple of other personal, God-given encouragements related to Parenting and Ministry. 

• For several years, West Cannon Baptist Church has been using the same Biblically-driven, God-centered, Christ-exalting, Gospel-saturated, Family-focused curriculum that Emmanuel Baptist Church is using - Generations of Grace
• In conversations with Tim Anderson, the director of children's ministry at WCBC, it is evident that we have similar thoughts regarding ministry to children and parents.
• This Sunday, October 1st, I have the opportunity to begin teaching a class with many young married couples.  We are going to be doing an overview of the Old Testament with the specific focus of helping others understand how God's glory is made known throughout the Bible.  It is my prayer that this class will help parents talk with their children about the Bible in a God-centered not man-centered way.
• Leading a group of about 30 people through the DVD study "Your Walk With God Is a Community Project" on Wednesday nights has been great.  This is another study by Paul Tripp on the Gospel and the church community.  It is my prayer that this study will help those attending and others understand that we need to be seeking opportunities to help and encourage one another.    

As I have written before, there are many challenges in beginning a brand new ministry at an unfamiliar church.  At the same time I am thankful that God's Word is the same.  I am thankful that the mission of God's church is the same - glorify God and make disciples.  I am thankful that God is the one, constant provider and sustainer.  I am thankful for the great people at West Cannon Baptist Church who have been praying for and encouraging us.  

Below is some information about the Parenting conference.

To help you know what the conference is about, here are summaries of the four sessions. 

Session One is about being an ambassador. Paul will remind us that parenting is not about what we want for or from our children, but what God wants to do through us in our children.

Session Two is about using the law in parenting. Paul will explain what the law is, why our kids need it, and why it never works to ask the law to do what only grace can accomplish.

Session Three is about our inability as parents. Paul will ask us to embrace the reality that we have no ability to do what God has called us to do ... in our own strength.

Session Four is about the unlimited grace God has for moms and dads. Paul will end the event with hope for tomorrow, encouraging us that Christ never calls us to a task without giving us what we need to do it.

* These summaries were taken from 8 Reasons to Stream Paul's Parenting Event

The same conference, two different weekends:

October 6 (7:00 to 10:00) and October 7 (9:00 to 12:00)

October 13 (7:00 to 10:00) and October 14 (9:00 to 12:00)

We are offering this conference on TWO different weekends in order to help with childcare. Plan to come one weekend and offer to watch another family's children the other weekend or alternate childcare with another family over the two weekends.

For more about the conference and to register go to www.westcannon.org/tripp

You may be thinking "I was nervous enough about the ONE 'talk' I needed to have.  Now you tell me there are THREE!!"

Yes, three talks but here is something really important to remember about these talks.
They are not "one and done" types of talks.   They are ongoing talks and we want to provide resources for you to have each of these conversations with your children.  

We are going to take part of our next three parenting classes to go through each of these topics.  We will provide you with some great resources and talking points each week.

These topics are for any one who wants to help their child or children grow in their relationship with God and Jesus Christ.

• Talk about Salvation, which we will be talking about on January 8th in our parenting class.

Stop Asking Jesus Into Your Heart by J.D. Grearr
How to Lead Your Child to Christ by Nancy Machowski

• Talk about Worship, which we will be talking about January 15th in our parenting class.

Ten Unexpected Man-Centered Causes of Family Tension by Sam Crabtree
Family Worship by Donald S. Whitney

• Talk about Relationships and Sexuality, which we will be talking about on January 22nd in our parenting class.

Time for the Talk by Zollos

My Child Is Not Able to Sit Still - KIDS IN CHURCH

Today is the third kids in church post
Sunday I posted a response to the statement my child doesn't get anything from being in church - which addresses purpose.
Yesterday I posted a response to the statement the content is sometimes more mature than we would like our child to hear - which addresses content.

Today I want to respond to the statement my child is not able to sit still for that long - which addresses training.

The 8 Tips guide that went home with 1st through 5th graders this Sunday has some great suggestions.  Here are a couple of them.  learn

3. WALK YOUR CHILD THROUGH THE SERVICE BEFORE IT STARTS!! 

Look over the bulletin or service details online; point out what will be happening and how your child can participate. This may mean teaching him a refrain of a responsive reading or teaching him a phrase from a song or chorus and asking him to listen for it. Pray with your child before the service starts.

 4.  ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD TO PARTICIPATE IN THE SERVICE! 

By teaching your child hymns and worship songs at home he will be able to participate in the service.  If he cannot learn the whole song, teach him the refrain and signal to him when it is time to sing the part he knows.  Encourage your child to sit and to stand at the appropriate times, to clap when appropriate, etc.  Have your child bring an offering and place it in the plate.

Click HERE for all EIGHT Tips for Helping Your Child Worship.\

Click HERE for "Strategies for Engaging Children in the Worship Service.

Click HERE for Parenting in the Pew Resources  (Keeping Them Quiet, Keeping Them Involved, Helping Them Worship)

Parental Guidance Needed - KIDS IN CHURCH

Yesterday I responded to one of the reasons I have heard regarding not having children in church -  my child doesn't get anything from being in church.
If you didn't read that post, click HERE.

Today I wanted to take some time to respond to another reason.
The content is sometimes more mature than we would like our child to hear.

In my opinion, this is the most challenging of the three oppositions.  So I want to be careful in answering it.  

In a service that is not geared towards children there are words and ideas that come up that kids will have questions about and parents don't know how to answer.
There are the realities of sin in our world that need to be addressed in sermons:  pornography, homosexuality, same sex marriage, sex-trafficking and others.
There are God-given gifts that are not easy to talk about with young children:  sex in the context of marriage. 

First of all, when we have had messages that focus on topics like homosexuality, we have our regular children's church program through 3rd grade and we have added an optional class for 4th and 5th graders.  

Now here comes the challenging part.  Please read through to the end.

I have read in several places that the appropriate time for a parent to start talking with their child about sex is "younger than you think."  Our culture is becoming more and more sexualized.  Magazines in the supermarket.  Commercials at the most unexpected times.  Conversations with friends at school.  And in many cases these are not the messages we want our children to know.  
Would you rather have a conversation with your son or daughter about same sex marriage after the pastor at church mentions it during a Biblical sermon or after your son hear about on the playground or through a TV clip hears in passing?

Here is a section from Time for the Talk by Steve Zollos

Growing up has never been easy, not for boys. For many of you fathers reading this book, fistfights, police chases, and broken hearts seemed to be waiting around every corner during your teen years—but the world we see today isn’t the world you grew up in. Not even close. Back then there was at least some protection from the dirt of the world. Today, a boy steps off the school bus and into a place you and I never conceived of in our youth. Gangs, drugs, shootings, condoms, sex, pornography, and perversion are everywhere. Worst of all, it’s largely accepted, tolerated, or condoned by those in authority.  

Oh, so your son is in private school? Or he’s home-schooled? Do you really think that makes things different for him? Maybe a little bit, but don’t let that give you a false sense of security. That young man still lives in a world hugely more seductive and radically more damaging than the one you knew at his age. Have you listened to his music lately? Have you taken a walk around your neighborhood? Do you have any idea what a typical group of young people talks about in private? Have you heard the language, seen the actions, and understood the values being promoted on movie, television, videogames, computer, and cell phone screens? In the time that you’ve been on the internet, have you seen things that you would never want your son to see, even accidentally? How much more time does he spend online than you? With all of this talk about the trouble in this world, let's remember that our hope is in God.

He has given what we need to live for His glory.  Jesus.  The Holy Spirit.  The Word of God. The church.  Biblical sermons.

Let's help our kids find their hope in God.

My child doesn't get anything from being in the service - KIDS IN CHURCH

Over the next three days it is my prayer that I can use these KIDS IN CHURCH posts to help educate families on the reasons for and importance of our KIDS IN CHURCH Sundays.

The first reason I have heard for not having children in church is
my child doesn't get anything from being in church.

REMEMBER:  Children are learning more than we think they are.

Think about each of these...

1. Don't think "my child needs to get/understand EVERYTHING."  Instead think "my child needs to get/understand SOMETHING."  Ask your child "What is one thing you learned or were reminded of in today's sermon?"
2. Let me remind you of two things your child "gets" every single time they are with you in the service.  First and most importantly, they get to see you, their parent or grandparent or spiritual mentor worshiping God in song, opening the Bible, attentively listening to the pastor preach.  Second, they get to see a pastor proclaim God's Word through preaching.

Here is an 11 minutes podcast about Kids in Church
http://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/should-children-sit-through-big-church
A quote from this podcast:  "The aim is that the children catch the passion for worshiping God by watching mom and dad enjoy God week after week. What would be the impact if, for twelve years, the children saw dad with his face in his hands praying during the prelude to worship? What would be the impact if they saw mom and dad beaming with joy in singing the praises of God?"

Here is a great, 6o minute seminar about Kids in Church

ekidzministry.blogspot.com/2016/08/let-children-come-to-me-kids-in-church.html

Family Devotion Failure and of all the days it was today!!

I was going to post some family worship ideas/thoughts yesterday.


At first, I was disappointed that I didn't get a chance to post but this morning I realized God had more He wanted me to learn before posting.


This past Sunday EKIDZ lesson was "God preserves the Israelites in the wilderness." ekidzministry.blogspot.com/2016/05/teacher-resource-god-preserves-israel.html
Our good, loving God provided in amazing ways for the Israelites despite their complaining.

The Israelites complained against God when they were thirsty (15:24).
Still, God made undrinkable water drinkable (15:25).

The Israelites complained against God when they were hungry (16:1-2).
Still, God provided manna and quail (16:12).

The Israelites complained when they were thirsty again (17:2).
Still, God provided water from a rock (17:8).

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday we had some good times of family worship.
On Tuesday, I even shared with the kids a great section of the Gospel Primer that was connected with that day's devotional.

Every time  I deliberately disobey a command of God, it is because I am in that moment doubtful as to God’s true intentions in giving me that command. Does He really have my best interests at heart? Or is He withholding something from me that I would be better off having?  Such questions, whether consciously asked or not, lie underneath every act of disobedience.

Each of these days we did the devotionals from the Generation of Grace Family Devotional Guide.  

We prayed and then sent the kids off.

IT WAS AWESOME!!!  

And then this morning. 
I don't need to go into the gory details but let me just say this Thursday morning was no Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday morning.  NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!!

We did NOTHING for family devotions.  Not. A. Single. Thing.
The kids almost missed their ride to school.  

After they left, I told Krista I had really wanted to do today's Family Devotion with them.
After all, it was the Gospel Connection!
First three days - God is a great provider.
Fourth day - Thursday - this morning - of all the mornings - Jesus provides living water.  John 4:7 - 15.  The water Jesus offered the woman at the well was so much better than the miraculous water from the rock.

But not this morning!!!

And to make matters "worse" I was the elementary chapel speaker this morning.
The living water devotional coupled with what I was talking about in chapel was going to be a great one-two Gospel combination for my kids and for me.

But not today!!!  Of all the days to have a Family Devotions Failure

This morning God wanted to teach me something so much different than my planned one-two combination.  This morning God helped me realize a couple of important truths...

• It is not about the perfectly planned presentation.  It is about faithfulness and consistency, even on those CRAZY hair pulling mornings.  The kids knew that Krista and I had planned to do devotions with them.  I will talk with them about what needs to be different in the mornings.  The reality is families have mornings like this.  
• I have to make the most of the opportunities that God does provide and not let what seems like missed opportunities take my eyes off of the One who truly does the work.  Despite the bad morning.  I think the chapel message was clear.
• This is just another long list of personal reminders that family worship is difficult but it is worth it.  HERE is an "encouraging" article entitled "Stumbling through Family Faith Talks for the Glory of God."  

These talks don't always go as planned.  O.K. to be honest more than "don't always go as planned."  BUT sharing the life-changing truths of the Gospel with my family, the ones God has entrusted to me, is more important than my ease and comfort.

As a pastor, I want to help the families at Emmanuel Baptist Church, understand the importance of and some basic way to do family devotions.  This is the purpose of this blog.  If you have questions leave in the comment section below or go to www.emmanuelbaptist.com/email/