Struggling Christians In Relationship

Over the next couple of classes, we'll talk about the struggles Christians face in relationships with other people.  Parents, children, difficult people.

This week's class (10.25.26) introduced the "Struggling in Relationships" section.

We were created to be in relationship with others (Genesis 2).

Because of sin, relationships are broken and challenging (Genesis 3 and the entire Bible)

When you are saved, you are brought into a right relationship with God and into God's family (Galatians 4:4-7)

In this life, relationships with other people, Christians and non-Christians, can be a blessing or challenge.

Often, blessings come from working through hard things. 

Remember Romans 12:18.

“If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

In her article How to Respond to Difficult People, Caroline Newheiser lists several points to consider after you have carefully examined your words, actions, and heart.

Some verses about how to relate to difficult people.

• Pray for the challenging person.  Matthew 5:44
• Pray for yourself. James 5:16
• Overlook the offense, if possible. Proverbs 19:11
• If needed, go to the person seeking reconciliation. Matthew 5:23 – 24
• Involve others when appropriate. Matthew 18:16 – 20
• Seek (and follow) godly counsel. Proverbs 11:14b
• Do not spread gossip about how you have been offended. Psalm 34:13
• Recognize that you have truly been sinned against. Mark 7:20 – 23
• Do not sinfully react. Proverbs 21:23
• Seek the other person's good. Romans 12:14
• Find ways to serve the troublesome person. Romans 12:20
• Have a heart ready to forgive. Matthew 6:12
• Above all, look to Jesus as your example. "Consider Him who endured from sinners such hostility against Himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted." Hebrews 12:3

Struggling in Spiritual Growth

What is spiritual growth?  We had a great class discussion, and here is a summary of that time.

Spiritual growth is a lifelong battle filled with amazing blessings and various challenges.  To grow, the believer needs to persevere in the Lord.  Spiritual growth will be marked by a growing understanding of God, his holiness, my sinfulness, and God's provision. 

Two of the Bible passages related to this topic are Philippians 1:3 - 26 and 3.

First, look at 1:3 - 26.  It is filled with prayer (v. 4, 9, 19), God's faithfulness (v. 6) and testimony of God's goodness (12 - 14).  There are no strong commands, but there are descriptions of Christian life that flow from who God is and what He is doing.

Then, check out chapter 3.  The first two verses are filled with commands.  Rejoice in the Lord (v. 1).  "Look out for the dogs, look out for the evildoers, look out for those who mutilate" (v. 2).  Be joyful because of who you are in Christ.  Be aware of those who are trying to lead you away from Jesus Christ and the Gospel.  Paul then goes on to say that he has done many things that should give him confidence, but they give him nothing.  The essential, most important thing is knowing Christ Jesus and being in Him.  This chapter continues with Paul writing about pressing on (12), straining forward (13), and pressing on (14) - a lot of struggle-filled language.  

Spiritual growth comes from God, and we are involved in this process.  Another way to think of spiritual growth is progressive sanctification.

Progressive sanctification is the supernatural process accomplished through the Father (1 Thess. 5:23), the Son (Eph. 5:26) and the Holy Spirit (2 Thess. 2:13; 1 Peter 1:2) and in cooperation with man (Romans 8; Galatians 5; Philippians 2:12-13; 1 Cor. 15:10). Progressive sanctification is an ongoing process (Phil. 1:6) towards the goal of Christ-likeness (Rom. 8:29). 

 Here is the definition of sanctification in my ordination paper.

Sanctification is God's ongoing work in the believer's life, whereby the Spirit of God, in cooperation with the believer, brings about holiness in the believer's character, conversation, and conduct.  Romans 15:16 and 1 Corinthians 6:11 show that the Holy Spirit is involved in sanctification.  In Romans 8, Paul writes about life through the Spirit.  A believer is set free from the law of sin and death because of the Spirit (v. 2).  The Holy Spirit enables us to fulfill God’s law (v. 4).  “The mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace” (v. 6).  A believer is saved by the Holy Spirit and needs to rely upon the Holy Spirit to live out the Christian life (Galatians 3:3). 

The reality is spiritual growth is a struggle for every believer.  It is a fight against sin and selfishness.

Another specific area that many, if not most, Christians struggle with is evangelism.  This week, we introduced evangelism with a homework assignment.  Find an evangelism technique that uses each of these numbers 10, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, and 2. 

In the next week's class, October 18, we will talk about one specific 
look at 7 different evangelism techniques,
continue with the struggles & spiritual growth & evangelism with more discussion and specific prayer,
and look at the meaning of Colossians 2:6, 7.

 

Don't Make Disciples

Today, October 13, I have the privilege of presenting a workshop at the Bridge Fellowship's annual conference.  The workshop is titled "Why Churches Don't Make Disciples."

On September 13, Pastor Brett preached a vision message at Trinity Baptist Church. 

In August, he shared his excitement about the planning process and about sharing the message.  Leading up to the message, some people were speculating what this exciting vision message would be.  Were we beginning a building program, changing our name, starting a new program, or making a staff change?  

One of the message's opening points was that we weren't going to sit back and watch something happen.  This vision is something we all are going to need to engage in.   You can watch the sermon HERE.

Here is the Biblical basis of the vision and the message.

• Mission of the Church - Matthew 28:19 -20 - To exalt Christ and make disciples.
• Pattern of the Church - Acts 2:42 - From a lecture you attend to a body you belong to.
• Schedule of the Church - Hebrews 10:24 - 25 - From an hour to fill to the every-moment-of-life goal of discipleship.

Remember the schedule serves the pattern, and the pattern serves the mission.

With all of this in mind, what is essential for discipleship?  The Holy Spirit using these four things is absolutely necessary.

1. Prayer
2. The Bible
3. Learning
4. Community

Here are seven reasons churches don’t disciple, and this list is not exhaustive.  The quotes under each point are from the articles unless otherwise noted.

The first five reasons come from a 9Marks article series.

• Because they preach cheap grace (9Marks article).

"Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline. Communion without confession.  Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ" (Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship, 43 - 44).   

 If salvation is reduced to merely saying a prayer, discipleship is unnecessary.  However, if a believer's life is marked by a dependence upon God, we will always strive to depend on God more and more. 

When evangelism shifts from preaching the deceitfulness and seriousness of sin, and our desperate need for a Savior, to telling people how awesome they are and merely giving words to repeat, cheap grace becomes a sad substitute for the Gospel and evangelism.

• Because they are seeker-sensitive but believer-insensitive (9Marks article).

Churches can become so focused on doing whatever it takes to get those who are not part of the church to come to a specific church that they lose their zeal for biblical disciple-making.

• Because they are less converted (9Marks article).

"In some large, well-known evangelical churches, you can become a member simply by ticking a box on a welcome card.  There is little or no attempt to examine the person spiritually to try to ascertain that they are truly followers of Christ." 

When people talk about being born a Christian or about something they did in the past, they don't have a true understanding of conversion.  Often, people become members of a local church without a clear understanding of the Gospel and its life-changing application, and what it means to be part of the family.

In the church, meaningful membership matters.  The obvious first place to teach about meaningful membership is in the new members class.  Another, less obvious place to teach about it is anytime you can take to remind the whole church what it is: services when new members are voted in, and teaching times when members and others can be reminded of what it is and ask questions about how it works.  Trinity has offered classes like "We are the Church,"  and "Be a Disciple and Make Disciples" to remind the church who we are and what we do. 

• Because they are program-dependent (9Marks article)

"A program - however biblically faithful - is no substitute for ongoing, personal discipling."   

"Programs can imply that discipleship is a matter of following the correct 'process' rather than cultivating the correct character."

• Because they are too often ashamed of the gospel and therefore assume the gospel (9Marks article)

"'Growth without the regular, faithful teaching of the gospel is growth without depth.  If we want depth as well as breadth, there's no substitute for gospel-saturated preaching and conversation.'"

 "The deep, wide discipleship we long for in our churches will only come when we stop assuming the gospel, and actually proclaim it."

In our discipleship, we can become afraid to call out sin and call people to repentance.  I do believe in the assurance of salvation.  I also believe that if someone shows no fruit of salvation, we should ask tough questions.  

• Because they don't pray.

In The Praying Church, Paul Miller shares some challenging prayer ideas.  One of the book's guiding principles is "Prayer is not one more activity of the church - it lies at the heart of all the church's ministry." (26) 

One question asked during the workshop was, "How can pastors help their church pray corporately?"  The easy but hard question is to have a church prayer meeting.  Whether your church has a prayer meeting or not, another way to help your church pray together is to share a weekly or monthly prayer theme.   More on this coming in a post later this week.

• Because they promote "perfection," not sanctification.

Discipleship often doesn't happen because church members want to appear perfect rather than live out sanctification, sinners growing into the image of Christ through dependence on the Holy Spirit.

Some Resources:

• 9Marks Discipleship Journal 
• Deep Discipleship by J.T. English
• Discipling by Mark Dever
• Workshop Powerpoint in PDF

Struggling Christian Bible Passages

One of the foundational principles of the Struggling Christian class and even more so every Christian's life, whether in a struggling, coming out of a struggle, or helping someone through struggles, is to look to Scripture to know God better and trust Him more.  

Throughout September, we have looked at several different verses and passages.

The class theme verse is John 16:33 (NASB)

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace.  In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

James 1:1-18 is about trials, testing, endurance, wisdom, and perseverance. 

² Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. ⁴ And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

⁵ But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. ⁶ But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷ For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, ⁸ being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

⁹ But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position; ¹⁰ and the rich man is to glory in his humiliation, because like ^[i]flowering grass he will pass away. ¹¹ For the sun rises with a scorching wind and withers the grass; and its flower falls off and the beauty of its appearance is destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away.

¹² Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. ¹³ Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. ¹⁴ But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. ¹⁵ Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. ¹⁶ Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. ¹⁷ Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. ¹⁸ In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures.

We also looked at some Lament Psalms.  In Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, Mark Vroegop describes lament in four parts: Turn to God, Bring Your Complaint, Ask Boldly, and Choose to Trust.  Here are the specific lament Psalms we looked at: 3, 13, 22, and 42.  Take some time and read through each of these.

And today (October 4), we looked at three different passages.

Job 38 - 41.  This passage is God's answer to Job's suffering.  It is a barrage of questions like, "Where is the way to the dwelling of light?" and "Do you have an arm like the Lord?"  The bottom line is that we cannot fully understand God and his plans.

Psalm 10 is a lament psalm that begins with two questions in verse 1.  "Why do you stand afar off, O Lord?  Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?"  It seems like God is far away and not just far away.  In his commentary on the Psalms, Christopher Ash breaks this psalm into three parts.  The two agonizing questions in verse 1.  Then the confident arrogance in verses 2 through 11.  The wicked, confident man says "There is no God" and "I will not be moved."  The last part of the psalm is an urgent prayer asking God to do what He was always going to do and how great God is.

This psalm clearly follows the lament pattern mentioned earlier.

Romans 11:33-36 talks about the inscrutability of God.  More later.

³³ Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!

³⁴ “For who has known the mind of the Lord,

    or who has been his counselor?”

³⁵ “Or who has given a gift to him

    that he might be repaid?”

³⁶ For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.

 

Think about these three passages.

God answers Job's question with over 50 questions (Job 38-41), designed to help Job and the reader remember how great God is.

The writer of Psalm 10 begins with two questions that show he turns to God for answers.

Paul reminds the church in Rome and the church today that God is God over everything. 

Struggling Christian Introduction Weeks

This post is specifically written to help those attending the Struggling Christian class at Trinity Baptist Church.  However, I also hope it encourages anyone who reads it. 

I want to begin with a personal note about the Struggling Christian class.  This was a class topic that I thought was needed, not just for Trinity Baptist Church but also for the universal church.  That became apparent after the first week of class in two different ways.  First, I made 10 copies of the class notes, thinking that would be enough.  The class ended up with close to 30 people.  I didn't know how many people would show up for a class called "The Struggling Christian."  The second reason became obvious as soon as we began the discussion time in class.  We talked about struggles people have, reasons why struggling in a church setting can often be a very real challenge, and how we as individuals in a church can help lessen these challenges.  

Here are some of the points discussed in class.  These are necessary and great reminders.  At the same time, a very encouraging part of each class is the discussion about struggles, challenges, and blessings.  These points form the skeleton of class time.  Each lesson has so much more, as people share life connected to Scripture.    

• As followers of Christ, we will have trouble.  John 16:33b says, "In the world you have tribulation.
• As followers of Christ, we have peace and hope.  BEFORE and AFTER the reality of trouble in this world, we see hope.  The beginning of the verse says, " These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace." The end of the verse says "but take courage; I have overcome the world."  This hope is also found in the Old Testament.  Proverbs 18:10 says, "The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe."
• As followers of Christ, we need to help others in their struggles by listening and gaining understanding.  Proverbs 18:13 encourages us to listen well before answering.  If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.  First Thessalonians 5:14 tells us to demonstrate patient understanding.  The verse says to "admonish the idle [undisciplined], encourage the fainthearted, help the weak."  There are different types of struggles people are going through and these different struggles require a different response from helpers. 
• Remember the three "do not worry" commands in Matthew 6:25-34, are grounded in God's goodness and richness, not our willpower.  "Do not worry" is not meant to be a three-word mantra to repeat or tell others to repeat.  It reminds us who God is and what He has done for His children.

With these four points in mind, here are three words we need to clarify for class discussion.  These descriptions are not perfect, but they are meant to be a help for this class and even understanding the class title.

• Suffering:  According to Vocabulary.com, suffering comes from Latin roots meaning "below" and "to bear."  It is "something pressing you down that you have to submit to and bear."  For the sake of this class, suffering is something that happens to you.  It is more passive than active.
• Trials:  These are external situations that last for a specific time and have a specific purpose - to prove and purify one's faith.
• Struggles:  These are ongoing, and we are actively fighting them. Because of sin this life is a struggle.  We will always be fighting against something - spiritual apathy, aging, challenging relationships, and so much more.   Ongoing and active

BIG GOD REMINDERS:

God is sovereign and inscrutable.  Here are elementary school definitions of these big words.  

"God is sovereign" means that God is the boss.  He is a good boss.  He is the perfect boss.  He is the most loving boss.  He is the all-powerful boss.  Now I know the word "boss" might not sit well with you as a description of God but remember what a boss is.  The boss is the one in charge, the one who exercises control, and the one who directs others. This word, coupled with good, perfect, loving, and all-powerful, gives a good, yet imperfect picture of God.  

"God is inscrutable" means that God is God and we are not.  Inscrutability means that God cannot be understood.  That might sound disappointing, but the great reality behind our understanding of God is that we cannot fully know God, BUT we can truly know God (adapted from Kevin DeYoung).  This attribute of God is found throughout Scripture and specifically in Romans 11:33, "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways."

During the second and third weeks of class, we have dug into passages of Scripture to remind us of who God is and how we are to live in response to who He is.

James 1:1-18

Lament Psalms 3, 13, 22, 42, and 44

ASSIGNMENT:

In our next class (October 4), we will look at Psalm 10, Romans 11, and Job 38- 41, focusing more on discussion and prayer.

RESOURCES:

• All Struggling Christian posts:  drodgersjr.blogspot.com/search/label/Struggling%20Christian
• Worship Initiative:  Lord from Sorrows Deep I Call - sing.theworshipinitiative.com/series/daily/2026-09-30 (You do need to sign up to receive this and other great devotionals)
• TBC sermon on Lamentations 3:21 - 24 by Pastor Dave  - tbcgr.org/sermons/mp3/other-sermons/2025-04-27_PM_Rodgers_Lamentations_3_21-24.mp3
• 9Marks Podcast:  On the Christian Practice of Lament (with Mark Vroegop) Mark  https://www.9marks.org/episode/episode-81-on-lament/